Starting with this topic would be easy. Rattling off with this trapping element would be quite hard. Organize your life right at this juncture. I remember the German poet Rainer Maria Rilke who had once made a famous headline:
“If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it
Blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches
For the creator, there is no poverty”
This is extremely true, indeed. Although most of us are not really poets but we have definitely harboured the blaming mentality and we have negated the richness of life that are associated with creativity. Finding lacunae with your parents or your partner may be quite a game, but standing in front of the mirror and asking yourself the following questions requires tremendous grit, perseverance and mental courage:
- Why am I failing in a relationship? Should I blame others for it?
- Did I get trapped in unnecessary resentment against my partner, or against my loved ones?
- Will I ever be able to recover from this blame game?
- What is life all about? Does real triumph consist of blaming others?
- But then do I need to blame myself unnecessarily?
a) Reality is painful but you must accept it
Reality is like that glass of water which is half full. If you see, it is relative. Sometimes, you have to accept your own faults, in order to bridge gaps in relationships. You must remember that Rome was not built in a day, and similarly, every relationship, every part of your entire soul and personality can only be measured if you confront yourself first, instead of blaming the incapability of others around you.
For instance, a market research in the year 2004 came out with astounding results. In India, almost 65%, and in America, almost 47% of the women who were suffering from excessive obesity actually tried to apply their defense mechanism very well by making scathing criticisms against the soft drink and fast food industry.
Instead of being aware of their self-sufficiency and weaknesses, they were actually involved in the dirty blame game on nothing but airy substances. Some also went to the extent of blaming their own selves.
b) Self perception is necessary in every human being
Just imagine what can happen if the blame game swings back like the boomerang. Instead of blaming your boss’s inability to pay you or instead of holding your wife responsible for your child’s poor marks, you must analyze what went wrong, or have you mentored your child enough to find solutions to some of life’s problems?
- You must rely upon positive self-affirmations
- You must channelize the constructive energy which never lets you blame yourself.
- For domestic and professional matters, you should never take the entire responsibility upon yourself, but you must be able to analyze the entire situation from an impartial perspective
- You must understand that relationships are like the two sides of a coin. Nothing can be achieved from a single side alone.
c) Communication strategy: how talking can help you overcome the blame game
Along with the qualities of a speaker, you must also inculcate within yourself the qualities of an enthusiastic listener. If you understand the negative feedback from the other side, you must ‘decode’, ‘verify’ and ‘examine’ what went wrong with the communication. But do not blame yourself and do not indulge in any sort of negativity or destructive attitude which may hinder your life further.
Case studies conducted by a group of scientists and behavioural specialists in Vienna show how people showed a remarkable decrease in their blood pressure, when they were actually able to communicate their difficulties, their level of frustrations, and temperamental setbacks to their friends and relatives, instead of giving into blaming themselves or others.
Self examination and getting affiliation to others is a dialogic process, where you have to learn the ways of communication
The blame game engulfs your constructive thoughts, in such a manner that you suffer from irrational fear. For instance, some people chastise their luck, or astral signs for their own failures, which were actually committed intentionally.
d) Responsibility is a vital aspect of life
Going back to our school days, I still remember the most appropriate quote by the American president, Abraham Lincoln, that:
“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”
This is an eternal truth, like a lake brimming with crystal water. If you do not recognize your responsibility, you will be prone to blame yourself, and other, and vice versa. If you delve deep into your own consciousness you will understand how and when you went wrong by getting trapped into the most unpalatable blame game.
If you want to change the future, you must be responsible for the past and the present, as all human beings are inextricably linked to one another in a chain or circular movement of events. You may find cases when you even blame a doctor for a sore throat, you can blame yourself for your friend’s failure, or your mother’s death, or your father’s unhealthy living condition.
But circumstances should not weigh you down in such a manner that you take the responsibility for each and every unpleasant occurrence in your life. It is better to rebuke yourself for doing nothing at all, than indulging into the blame game.
e) Self-apprehension versus self-confidence
As an individual you may dwindle between blaming yourself, your birth chart, your deficiencies, and your misappropriations, but try to think from the other perspective where you are ‘still alive and kicking’ in this beautiful world:
- Just imagine the vastness of the universe, the umpteenth number of galaxies, and their orbital movement. Isn’t your life the same?
- Are you not the creator of this entire vicious and self-obliterating blame game?
- Ask yourself: ‘what are the things I can do’, instead of crying over and blaming for ‘what are the things I failed to do.’
- Set goals, priorities and life studies which will help you to evolve as a complete human, and not another ‘animal’.
- Do not resist your larger desires. Let them soar higher and one day they will reach the zenith of success.
- Try to measure what you can, and not what others can. You are an individual, and individual lifestyles, perspectives and characters differ.
As a wise soul once very rightly said:
“Ignorance can be Educated
Crazy can be Medicated but …
There’s no Cure for STUPID!!”
In short, live life king-size, get rid of the stupid and the most inappropriate blame game which can give you nothing but an utter abyss of self delusion, misery and self-torture.